Monday, April 8, 2013

Attack of the Twitter Atheists!

I’ve never had a problem with atheism per se. My two best friends in college were atheists; two of the groomsmen in my wedding were atheists (one in each pair was the same guy). We never preached at or mocked each other unless it was recognized as in good fun. We never threw faith or non-faith in each other’s faces.

This is kind of what I used to see atheism as. Just “I don’t believe. You do? Well good for you.”

It’s changed in the last six years.

I’ve written about atheism a few times since early 2008, and have followed the atheist hashtags on Twitter off and on for nearly two years. I’ve even argued with atheists on Twitter, and I would never have done this if not for the multitude of atheist chic soldiers out there, especially on Twitter. I don’t know that there is any hashtag out there that never trends, yet is always good for at least a mention per minute the way #atheism or #atheist are. Atheists love Twitter, probably for its anonymity.

Oh, you’re not anonymous to God, you silly geese.

Atheists troll Twitter both for Christians who hashtag atheism, and those who mention Jesus, simply to swarm upon them and scoff with clever “Prove to me there’s a God” comments. They’ve done this online, in general, at least since 2009, when I wrote something about the debaptisms that college atheists were having. They swarmed on me by the dozens, seemingly never noticing that the site, at the time, was called “Up My Own Ass.” Man, I had fun with that.

Atheism has reigned over Twitter for quite some time, just as the prophets Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins foretold. Actually, the true atheist prophet on Twitter is former comedian-turned-atheist preacher Ricky Gervais. Visit Gervais’s Twitter page at any given moment and see him mock Christians like other hacks used to mock airline food.

With Gervais, once perhaps the funny comedian there was, atheism isn’t just non-belief. It’s an obsession. I’ve collected a sampling of his tweets just from the first week of April 2013.

Let’s begin with the popular weekly Twitter occasion #FollowFriday, or #FF, which Gervais, a celebrity with over four million followers, happily partakes in to celebrate the joys of atheism!

@rickygervais: #ff @RichardDawkins @TheTweetOfGod @SamHarrisOrg @GSpellchecker @adrianbriggs @MrOzAtheist @ProfBrianCox @Atheistican The A Team

The A Team!
Imagine being a nobody deemed a somebody by Gervais or Dawkins simply because you don’t believe in a higher being and choose to openly mock those who do. What a great deal! Almost makes me want to convert myself!

Here is a selection of other Gervais tweets between April 1 and 7, 2013:

“@rickygervais: “@Jesusontwittorr: I'll be honest, for the first 3 hours of my crucifixion I thought I was being Punk'd”


It’s not really funny, but they have atheism in common. So that gets a “Haha.”

“@rickygervais: Happy Sun Day.
Hope you are happy and secure enough in your beliefs to not care what others think of them. & Laugh. It's good for you :)”

This is Gervais’s excuse to continue the relentless bashing of Christians.
By the way, Sun day? Smiley face?

@rickygervais: "If there's no God why don't you just steal and murder as much as you want?"

I do.

Gervais doesn’t attribute this quote to anyone in particular, leaving me to believe that no one actually said or typed this. Still, a hilarious reply, nonetheless! I think he married the guy!

@rickygervais: #ff @fabulousanimals @wspauk @TigerTimeNow @AnimalsAsia
Whether you believe in evolution or magic, be nice to animals :)

Even his animal activism is coupled with atheism. By the way, odd that it’s Science that tests everything on these poor animals. They don’t test holy water in a cat’s eyes at church! Go, Science! By the way, there’s that smiley face again. He’s like a 13-year-old girl.

@rickygervais: @RichardDawkins
Quite. Some really don't understand it, which is sad. Some, however, are wilfully ignorant as it threatens their agenda.

Faith is merely an “agenda.” Hey, notice he misspelled “willfully!”

@rickygervais: DNA & Carbon dating shows that we evolved with all life over billions of years.

Bible says God created us from dust and ribs.

I'm torn.

Yawn. He can’t be the first person to point this out, can he?

@rickygervais: “@tomtomward18: My feed is filled up with @rickygervais arguing about religion”

Who's mentioned religion today? I've been tweeting science.

Get it? Dr. Gervais is blinding us with science!

@rickygervais: If you discovered ANY evidence for the existence of God, you would be proclaimed, BY THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY, the greatest genius ever. Go!Ooh, the “proof” argument. Impossible, and the atheists count on that.

@rickygervais: “@Atheistican: a selfish goal of this account is to get @rickygervais as a follower. #FingersCrossed”

Your prayers have been answered.

Take atheism away from this guy and he’s the most useless gnat Gervais will ever come in pseudo-contact with. Also, get it? He said “prayers!”

@rickygervais: "Why don't you believe in God?"

For exactly the same reasons that you don't believe in Zeus.

LOL! Somewhere Tommy “Tiny” Lister weeps.

@rickygervais: Evolution gets a big thumbs up from me.

Right in my own keister. This quote must have been on a bumper sticker.

@rickygervais: "Why are you an atheist?"

I'm as God made me.
(He makes Gay people and Hindus too. Versatile.)
I don’t think atheism has been the least bit funny since George Carlin did these bits 20 years ago. By the way, are we capitalizing “Gay” now?

@rickygervais: "Jesus was a Christian not a Jew dumbass"

This is my best day ever on Twitter.
Again, unattributed. No one said this.

@rickygervais: "You only ever mock Jesus. Why don't you mock Jews?"

This Tweet is why I love Twitter.
See above. Though I would ask him the same about Muslims.

@rickygervais: "Scients is just an Athiest theory"

I want to give this tweet the Nobel prize.

Again, “Prize” should also be capitalized, Richard.

@rickygervais: Favourite if you're clinging to the irrational hope of an afterlife,
or RT if you're going to try to make the most of this guaranteed one.
Make the most of this life by being on Twitter all the time.

@rickygervais: "Guys, guys, that dude we killed Friday is up and about again......
nah, April Fools!...haha..your faces."

Wow! And we get all this humor from him for free!

Gervais will even happily retweet a fellow atheist. Just in the first week of April he retweeted the likes of @Jesusontwitter @GSpellchecker (“Godless Spellchecker”), @TheTweetofGod and @Atheist_Tweeter. Plus the very lucky @CiaraBaxendale, who tweeted:
“@Gervatheism I converted my philosophy teacher to Gervatheism. She wrote this in my report @rickygervais !!

The cleverness just astounds!

I’m going to come out and admit something, and it’s something I’m sure all atheists already know, including Dawkins, plus Gervais, Bill Maher, Penn Gillette, and any other comedian who gave up comedy for atheism – Yours is an argument that is impossible to lose!

Atheists can say whatever hateful things they want to. They can mock, call Christians stupid, stone them, for Hitchen’s sake. If Christians retaliate, even in the least, the atheist can just say, “Aren’t you supposed to turn the other cheek?” It’s flawless! And the only possible way for a Christian to win an argument with an atheist is to produce God! As if He works down the street at the local Starbucks and will be right here after He punches out for the day. It’s the perfect stance! Being pro-cancer is an easier argument than defending your belief in God to an atheist. How can a human being possibly obtain proof of a supreme one? That’s why it’s called faith! They’re playing with House money!

Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, is the easiest target there is. Ask Gervais and Maher. They’re still relevant because of it. Making fun of faith is as easy as mocking people with special needs. Yet it’s totally tolerated! Which makes it even easier! By the way, the joke here is no doubt that I’m comparing Christians to people with special needs (Which I’m not.) Gervais himself has gotten some flack for making fun of special people. He goes after all the easy targets: Christians, the obese, those with special needs, and people who hurt cute animals. I wonder what Ricky thinks of obese animals?

I literally lost all respect for Gervais as a comic. He’s no better than Gary Coleman now. Arnold had “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis.” Gervais has “There’s no God.”

But what can we expect? He’s fifty-one years old and still calls himself “Ricky.”

It’s actually a very simpleminded attitude to say no way is there a God, then go on to preach this idea. It’s one thing to simply not believe, go about your day, and tweet about bacon and Game of Thrones. That I can respect. But to come off as a “free thinker,” and proudly label yourself an atheist, like it’s a scarlet letter, or even a PhD, is pure buffoonery, let alone arrogance. By the way, these “free thinkers” aren’t doing anything but following the road paved by Hitchens and Dawkins, and the fork in said road made by Gervais. They are all merely sheep. Even Gervais is a Dawkins sheep. I don’t recall any atheism gags in The Office.

I have more respect for the Beliebers and One Directioners of Twitter. At least they waste their time on something they do like and believe in. All atheists believe in is attacking #TeamJesus and worshipping their own imagined superiority over Christians. And this includes Gervais and Dawkins. Tweet about how there’s no afterlife and that Christians are wasting their lives; yet, all these atheists tweet about is the same topic, literally minute after minute in many cases. It must be a miserable existence. I mean if ignorance is bliss, imagine the hell (If it existed, tee hee) these intelligent atheists are in.

If I were to paint all Twitter atheists with the same brush, like they do with Christians, I would not only say that they all came out of the woodwork/closet once Hitchens and Dawkins became successful with their respective books, but they crave the attention they see “other” minorities getting.

The homosexual community has gay marriage, something that’s only been a thing since the turn of the century, but it’s something to fight for and celebrate. With Barack Obama’s victory in 2008, the African-American community has had something to celebrate themselves. Both minorities have actual oppression in their past, and present.

What are straight, American white men and women to do? If they’re not Christians, they “come out of the closet” as non-believers, long persecuted by the evil Christians. Paint Christians as bigots spreading fear with their “God is watching you” nonsense, and suddenly atheists are a minority much like the others are. Punching an atheist at a bar might soon be a hate crime.

Mommy doesn’t love me and my grandparents say I’m a sinner. I’ll show them!

Unlike homosexuals and African-Americans, however, some atheists have grown to become bullies. Thus, the minority sentiment has given way to mockery at the expense of Christians. The imagined persecuted have become the pseudo-persecutors. And don’t they love it? Thank you, Twitter!

Many Christians go to Bible studies, have church events, and do some type of service either for their community or outside of the country. All atheists do, as far as I can see, is get together and mock Christians. Yes, you’re doing a wonderful service by mocking me and my beliefs. But atheists get away with it because Christians have allegedly been keeping minorities down for thousands of years.

Everything bad is religion’s fault. Religion is the evil in the world. Never mind that this imaginary Tooth Fairy-like creature, or at least the idea of Him, helps many, many people who are down and out. Screw ‘em, the week-minded assholes. These geniuses, the “free thinkers,” who claim to be so much more intelligent than the easy-mark Christians because they are certainly not stupid enough to fall for something like “faith,” are essentially bullies.

I feel sorry for them. Not because they don’t believe in God. Who cares? Do what you want. Death bed confession, that’s what you can turn to. I feel sorry for them because, while they like to say they’re living life rather than burying themselves in this God nonsense, all they have is their hatred for Christians, wherever it comes from: Mommy and Daddy not showing them enough love; Father O’Leary patting them on the head when they were six; their cat dying. Who knows? They call it “Logic” that they were blessed with. Sorry, not blessed. Graced. No. I mean, they were just born with “Logic.” But it has to be something more. Something just isn’t there. There’s a hole inside them that they fill with the mockery of those they feel oppressed them somehow.

Sure religion can cause pain: terrorism, childhood innocence lost, Pat the Bible Study lady stealing pocket change from the collection plate. But there is plenty of good there as well. Atheists don’t choose to see it. There’s no room in the hole for the good. The approval they need from Ricky Gervais goes in this hole.


  1. LoL that's the most ridicolous pile of bullshit I've ever heard of xD

  2. It is ridiculous to need a religion to live my life, I don't need it, I don't want it, and I don't want people shoving down my throat. I am not an atheist because I was "wrong" I am an atheist cause I simple don't believe in god.

  3. Thank you for showing the world How little Christians know about Atheism. I took this article into religion class and we hung it up and we all got a kick out of how ridiculous it was, Our teacher said it was perfect for our project on how Christianity's relationship with the world.

    Thanks again for the entertainment, as long as there are people writing stuff like this we'll save the world from christianity because no one will ever take it seriously lol

  4. The ignorance of this post is astounding. It's simple: Stop murdering us for living in modern times and we will stop making jokes about you on Twitter. Idiot.

  5. So if an atheist says "I can't see the god you're talking about", that's more offensive than a Christian who says,

    "The god that i can show no proof of is going to torture you for eternity, and it's against the law to tell me not to say this about you!"

    Newsflash, Mr. Victim:

    Nobody who says there is no god is attacking anyone; we are just asking for proof of your claim. If an omnipresent and omnipotent diety that has control over every atom in existence cannot be bothered to show up every now and then and say,

    "Yep, that's me. And to convince you, here's the kind of evidence I only gave humankind in eras where there were not cameras or mass communication"

    I don't think the atheists are the ones with an axe to grind.

    Our current VP says that every citizen shall not have their individual conscience questioned - I tend to agree with him. So if a Christian tells me (or anyone else) that I'm a demon and headed for a place I don't think exists, my freedom of conscience and individual expression ought to be just as valid when I tell him to STFU.

    Or is the intent of the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States really beyond your grasp?