Friday, August 3, 2012

The Long Lost Sequel to "Cat Touch Nazi"

I had a story published in the wonderful online journal Zygote in My Coffee back in November 2006 called "Cat Touch Nazi." Yesterday I found something I wrote around the same time that I wrote this, sort of a sequel to CTN. Amy and I had these two stuffed dogs that, before we had our cats, were essentially our pets. We made them talk. They each had their favorite songs (Rascal's was BNL's "Another Postcard," Frank's was Outkast's "Hey Ya"). And the little bastards made it into some of my writing. So here, in its brief entirely, is the rest of the story:

Rascal & Frank: Stuffed dogs

These were our two other pets. She gave me Rascal as an anniversary gift; I bought Frank for her at the airport on the way home from Germany.

“Where’d you get him?” she asked me.

“A German whore gave it to me,” I jested.

She loved our little stuffed boys. What she didn’t quite like was when I bought collars for each of them and took them outside for walks.

“Mommy,” Rascal said. “Why don’t you think we’re real?”
“Because your Daddy’s insane,” Andie replied.
“Do you want us to go to Daddy’s place and kill that cat?” Frank offered.
“Yes!” Andie said. “Please do.”
“Wow,” Rascal said, turning to Frank. “Mommy’s evil.”
“Mommy is allergic to the cat,” she said. “So Daddy’s the evil one because he apparently wants to kill Mommy.”
“But, Mommy,” Frank said. “We’re both chock full of dust mites, which you’re also allergic to.”
“But, Frank,” she said, “That’s why I wash you so…will you stop it! I can’t believe I’m talking to stuffed animals.”


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