Sunday, August 12, 2012

The H8 2 Settle the H8

At the rate the U.S. is going in terms of politics, I figure by the 2024 elections there will be unprecedented bloodshed during the campaign. And I'm not just talking about trading the lives of unborn babies for those of abortionists. I mean, like, civil war shit, the kind Guns 'n Roses sang about. The Right and the Left have never despised each other as they do now, and it can only get worse. To compare it with something equally as silly as politics, it's Magnum T.A. vs. Tully Blanchard circa 1985. And it's nearly time for the steel cage "I Quit" match.

The Right, as everyone knows, dislikes Barack Obama because he is black. It's certainly not because of his politics. It never has been. The Right adored Bill Clinton until Maya Angelou dopily said he was our "first black president." So conservatives had no choice but to hate him after that.

Republicans have long had a hatred for African-Americans: slavery, D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation, the Separate Water Fountains Act of 1963. Legend has it that the Right made Ronald Reagan punch Sidney Poitier in the face before he could even think of being governor of California.

This hatred, however, is more than equaled because the Left's disdain for Mormons is also legendary, and to disagree with this fact is futile because there are dozens of examples of Mormon-bashing, and not just from those Coloradan "equal-opportunity offenders" Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

It's hard to say exactly when this intense bigotry began, but it could have been when everyone found out that serial killer Ted Bundy was one of these Mormons. Baptized in the Latter Day Saints during law school in Utah in 1974, Bundy didn't let this stop him from murdering teenage girls. You know, like them Mormons do. So, to the Left, all Mormons were potential serial killers. It was unfair then, and it hasn't stopped.

When Mormon actor Gordon Jump played the child molesting bicycle shop owner in the infamous episode of Diff'rent Strokes, liberal groups began rumors that all Mormons molest black children. Jump could hardly get work after that except for being the Maytag Repairman, and by the mid-80s, all Mormons were murdering kid touchers in the eyes of the liberal media.

When Danny Ainge, one of my all-time favorite athletes, was playing for the Boston Celtics in the 80s, Lakers fans were known to shout at him, "Go home, you stinking Mormon! And stay away from my kids!" Liberal cities like Los Angeles and New York were constantly screaming this at poor Danny, and it followed him when he played in Sacramento and Phoenix. Just the other day, I heard someone yell, "Why'd you let Ray Allen go, you stupid Mormon?"

Pro wrestler Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka? A Mormon. So imagine the field day liberals had after Nancy Argentino's death. "Oh, of course he killed her. He's a bloody Mormon, just like Bundy and Arthur Gary Bishop." You can bet the liberals, at least those "dumb enough" to watch rasslin', cheered Roddy Piper on when he blasted Snuka in the head with a coconut on Piper's Pit.

The poor Mormons have gotten this treatment since my childhood. I can remember watching those old Latter Day Saints PSAs with my hippy babysitter. You know, the ones about how you should never tell a lie. Well, this filthy hippy would say to me, "The Mormon's are squares, man. Lying is a gas!"

That babysitter, by the way? Squeaky Fromme.

And don't get me started on who's keeping Dale Murphy out of the Baseball Hall of Fame. That's right, slugger Dale is a proud Mormon as well. It's not above the Left to make some phone calls to Cooperstown and say, "Look, as far as you're concerned Pete Rose gets in before Murphy does. Same goes for Garth and Dane Iorg."

And, let me tell you, to round out my tirade, all the Twilight bashing you hear from the Left? You know why, don't you? Author Stephenie Meyer's a Mormon. It's not that the writing sucks or that vampire love is so stupid, it's that Steph worships that Joseph Smith guy like the atheists worship Christopher Hitchens.

It's disgraceful, and, of course, the liberal media won't report on how bigoted their own readers are. Why would they? Oh, but say the Tea Party Republicans are stupid racists every chance you get.

So whoever you vote for in November, whether it's the Mormon hating Black or the Black hating Mormon, keep me out of your reindeer games. It's time to stop the H8.

No comments:

Post a Comment