Friday, August 5, 2011

Little French Girl Plays Dress Up, People Lose Their Shit





There's a little girl causing quite a hubbub because of some allegedly sensual photos in the French version of Vogue magazine. Silly media outlets all over the place are interviewing experts in...child pornography, I guess, who are calling these photos "sensual" or "provocative," and even comparing the hullabaloo to when Brooke Shields was ten and relevant.

Of course the people appalled by these photos are women, or else gay men in the fashion industry, because actual heterosexual men don't find these photos sensual or provocative or sexy. In fact, put an adult model in the same dress, heck, even an adult-sized dress, and a hetero man says, "Eh. I'm gonna go look at some porn online." So get a hold of yourselves.

"Look at those sultry eyes titillating us just like Shirley Temple did." Shut up. There's nothing sexy about these photos. Watch Toddlers in Tiaras or that horseshit Dancing with the Stars show if you want to be appalled. This is a little girl playing dress up. I literally expected Shields in Pretty Baby when I heard about this story. Then I looked and thought Really?

Really?

Really?

They may not do it anymore, but a while ago I accused the producers of the inexplicable hit show Dancing with the Stars of being an unruly gang of pedophiles. Because take a show like DWTS, where they have sexy adult women and men dancing in all sorts of sexy ways, like Lambada-type shit. Then that silly goose Tom Bergeron says, "Okay, let's watch children do the same thing!" The ratings instantly sky rocket in the pederast demo when these children dance. It's some creepy-ass shit.

How does ABC get away with that, yet French Vogue is Gary Glitter all of the sudden? If these photos are supposed to inspire sexual thought, I'm an eighty-year-old man shitting in a bedpan and talking about when Lou Gehrig played.

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