Wednesday, June 8, 2011

You Will Worship Me: Top 9 Fictions on the Internets

Here is a list of my Top 9 Fictions available on the Internets according to no one but yours truly. My stories, my genius, my ego. This, of course, will not include any stories available only in print, including the amazing "Grandpa & Me" published in the wonderful Goldust's Solid Gold Anthology, or the biting "Bullies," published by the U.K. journal Monkey Kettle, or the trio of gems "Dicks, Nipples and Sylvia Plath, in Monkeybicycle's Dirty Humor Issue.

Indeed, these are all great stories. Some of the world's greatest writers have this to say:

"Frissore is the funniest unknown fiction writer of his generation." - Mark Twain

"If you're not reading Frissore, you're an asshole." - S.J. Perelman

"Reading Frissore's fiction is like ejaculating into Dorothy Parker." - Donald Barthelme

"Frissore is more hilariouser than even me. And for fuck's sake, I'm not the wrestler." - Bret Harte



So let's get this list moving


9. Calista Flockhart and the MySpace Hoax
Antithesis Common





A two-part story based, in some part, on truth. I used to have a lot of fun with MySpace.






8. The Banana
Spilt Milk Magazine





What can I say about this story that anyone wants to hear?





7. Mister Bink Habit

Bartleby Snopes





My son Alex gave me this idea, albeit inadvertently. A “Story of the Month” winner for November 2010. So you know it’s worth reading





6. The Adventures of Root Beer Float Man

Lowestoft Chronicle

New for Summer 2011! Parts of this were first written more than ten years ago. I am officially a superhero.


5. The Lookist

Berg Gasse 19





This story was nearly selected by at least one major print journal, but screw ‘em. I wrote it with Freud in mind anyway.





4. The Seven Stages of Sorrow

Jersey Devil Press





Originally titled “The Story of Jay,” then “The Girl in the Ultimate Warrior Jacket,” then “The Ballad of Jay and Colleen,” then…something else, and finally in seven parts as it is here. It was also originally twice as long.





3. The Gingerbread Gang

Silkworms Ink





An online fiction chapbook containing six delicious stories, all formerly published in journals that have since shit the bed.





2. Q.Q.’s Barbershop

Sein Und Werden





A wonderful story that could only be published here. The W.C. Fields-inspired Q.Q. endures many, many problems as a barber living inside a whiskey bottle.







1. Heckle

decomP Magazine





And my personal favorite, the story of lil’ Heckle. I’m gonna turn pro wrestler and say this is the greatest short story ever written, perhaps next to Woody Allen’s “Kugelmass Episode.”

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