Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Julio and Willie II: Electric Boogaloo

The scientists responsible for putting together the Top 15 "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" experienced what da Vinci used to call a "fuck up." In doing so, our list begins with a tie and also has one honorable mention. But I haven't trusted science ever since it blinded my sister. So we'll just roll with it, baby, like Steve Winwood said.

15. (tie) Steffi Graf/Oksana Baiul

We'll just pretend the scientific unpleasantness never happened and begin with these two bombshells. The former probably sounds a little like bestiality, and the latter like I’m a pedophile, but my oh-so-brief stints as fans of their respective sports was due to these lovely gals. Graf, the half-brother of late Police Academy star David Graf, cleaned up nicely back in the day, and Baiul was an adorable 16-year-old Ukraine chick who made everyone forget about Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan at the 1994 Winter Olympics. This makes her only three and a half years younger than me. So shut up.

By the time Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharpova showed up, I couldn’t have cared less about tennis. As for figure skating, that Sasha Cohen is a cute one, especially in that Borat movie.

HONORABLE MENTION: Kari Michaelson from Gimme A Break

As a youth I watched this show starring Nell Carter and Joey Lawrence. I don't
remember any of the other girls on this show. I just recall digging Kari A LOT
and erroneously thinking that if I married her I'd be Michael Michaelson. What a
little tool!

And that's it...Damnit! The scientists messed up Kari's picture and the aligning of the text! Hopefully by #14 we'll have beaten these wisenheimers into submission.

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